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60+ Funny Charting Bloopers Found on Actual Medical Records

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By Matt Vera BSN, R.N.

Enjoy these funny charting errors and bloopers found on actual medical records!

Most of the time, work can be stressful and paperwork are piling up like there’s no tomorrow. Trying to catch up and finishing charting before the end of the shift, you rush and forget everything you’ve learned from your English classes. You go through questions like: “Was it Dilaudid or Dilaulid?” Or “Is a comma needed in this part of the sentence or not?”

Admit it, we commit errors and no one is perfect. In nursing, a charting error may spell doom to your patient, a crispy scolding from your supervisor, or a hysterical laugh from your colleagues.

Hilarious assessment cues

1.Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.”

2. “Patient’s chin cannot touch the table.”

3. “Remnants of a soldier can be seen in the vagina.”

4. “It should be noted that there is no noticeable difference in temperature between the legs”

5. “Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.”

6. “Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.”

7. “She is numb from her toes down.”

8. “Pt. has two teenage sons, but no other abnormalities”

9. “The patient’s feces has the same color as the doors on the 19th floor.”

10. “On the second day, the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared!”

11. “Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.”

12. “She is numbed from her toes down.”

13.Cough with flame” (I guess that nurse‘s patient was a dragon!).

14. “Rectal examination revealed a normal sized thyroid”. Or maybe, that nurse has really long index finger.

SEE ALSO: 20 Funny Nurse Jokes That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud!» 

15. “Skin: somewhat pale but present.”

16. “The skin was moist and dry.”

17. “Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.”

18. “Patient was alert and unresponsive.”

19. “By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped and he was feeling much better.”

20. A nurse was assessing the LOC of a patient and wrote: “easily aroused”

Weird yet funny patient history

21. “Patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in daycare three times a week.”

22. “Many years ago the patient had frostbite of the right shoe.”

23. “After quitting cigarette smoking, the patient started smelling again.”

24. “The patient gets hives from contrasts, strawberries and shrimps and also two of her children.”

25. “The patient had been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.”

26. “Patient had no past history of suicides.”

27. “Patient experience sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary edema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.”

28. “The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.”

29. “She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got separated”, that patient’s marriage must be really awful, talk about getting a relief!

30. “Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities”, DSM-V now indicates that having teenage children is an abnormality.

31. “The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.”

32. “He had a left-toe amputation one month ago. He also had a left-knee amputation last year.”

33. “Patient lives with wife but works part-time in a whorehouse.”

Hilarious Nursing Diagnoses

Funny charting errors about nursing diagnoses:

34.Acute pain related to witchcraft”.

35.Bowel incontinence related to shyness”.

36.Insomnia related to computer games”.

Out of this world interventions

37. “The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.”

38. “Patient received 5 mg of morphine for his pain in the ER

39. “With 02 inhalation via foley bag catheter attached to urobag.”

40. “Advised patient to take a bath”

41. “IVF consumed and terminated then replaced with the same IVF”

42. “Regulated IVF to KVO to run for 2 hours”

43. “While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.”

44. “The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.”

45. “Pt. experiences frequent nausea and vomiting, and should therefore be wearing a small diaper at night.”

Strange things nurses and patients say

46. “Patient refused an autopsy.”

47. “Discharge status: Alive but without permission.”

48. “Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.”

49. “Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.”

50. “Pt. is mildly agitated, but good in bed.”

51. “Patient told me she lost her heart the last time she was admitted.”

52. “She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate direction in early December.”

53. “The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.”

54. “Patient eats death threats for breakfast.”

55. “The patient has done well without oxygen for the past year.”

“Patient continuing to jump out of bed, hasn’t fallen, yet.”

“Uhhhh?” doctor’s orders

56. “Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.”

57. “Since she can’t get pregnant with her husband, I thought you would like to work her up.”

58. “Enteral tube feeding should be administered at 160 km per hour.”

59. “Regarding the patient’s impotence, we will continue his medication and let his wife see to the treatment.”

60. “All visible brain tissue had been removed. The patient has no neurological complaints after surgery.”

61. “Pt. is increasingly aggressive, but can be put down with a cup of coffee.”

62. “Elevate balls between legs on 2 towels”

63. Written on a chart in an OB/Gyn’s office: “f/u ck up”

It was supposed to be: follow up check up (the nurse who wrote it was notified)

64. “Return to ED for signs of infection…redness, fever, pu$$y drainage…” (This was an arm laceration!)

And the winner is: 

65. “She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.”

Know a funny line or two? Share your blunders on the comment section below! 

Matt Vera, a registered nurse since 2009, leverages his experiences as a former student struggling with complex nursing topics to help aspiring nurses as a full-time writer and editor for Nurseslabs, simplifying the learning process, breaking down complicated subjects, and finding innovative ways to assist students in reaching their full potential as future healthcare providers.

19 thoughts on “60+ Funny Charting Bloopers Found on Actual Medical Records”

  1. In my personal experience the funniest ones Ive come across were :

    Patient complaining of pussy discharge ( patient was on gynae ward but actually was complaining of pus discharging from her wound)

    Another one was, patient had love marks on her neck!

  2. This writer assessed the mouth and throat. No redness or swelling evident. The resident was able to stick her tongue out and say “aw” exposing the vulva.

  3. Patient requested pain medication and when the nurse took it to him he stated the medication was like eating M&Ms. When the nurse documented she typed “patient states medication is like eating Eminem’s “


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