20 Funny Nurse Jokes That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud!

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20 Funny Nurse Jokes That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud!
Relieve stress with these funny nurse jokes!

Sharing to you these funny nurse jokes to help you feel good, laugh hard, and exercise your facial muscles! In the nursing profession, life gets busy and tough! Lighten it up with these brilliant and hilarious nurse jokes and prove once an for all that laughter is the best medicine (except for treating diarrhea).

What are the benefits of humor in nursing?

There is a strong connection between humor and learning according to a study published by the Journal of Nursing Education. If you’re a nurse educator, cracking a few nurse jokes can be an effective, multipurpose teaching tool for the nurse educators to convey course content, hold student’s attention, relieve anxiety, establish rapport with students, and make learning fun!

In a hospital setting, a phenomenological study determined that humor was found to be an important but underutilized resource in nurse-patient interaction. In the same study, it was found out that humor or nurse jokes:

  • Help nurses deal effectively with difficult situations and difficult patients;
  • Create a sense of cohesiveness between nurses and their patients and also among the nurses themselves;
  • Be an effective therapeutic communication technique that helped to decrease patients’ anxiety, depression, and embarrassment;
  • Be planned and routine or be unexpected and spontaneous;
  • Create lasting effects beyond the immediate moment for both nurses and patients.

Nurse Joke #1: The Nurse’s “Allergic” Reaction

Situation: The nurse will give a skin test to a patient to test for allergic reaction

Nurse: Hello. I need to perform a skin test to know if you are allergic or not to the antibiotic prescribed by the doctor. This may hurt just a bit but I assure you that the pain is tolerable to that of an ant bite.
Patient: Is that so? Okay then. You may proceed.

After a while, the nurse successfully performed the skin test following the patient’s loud cry. Unfortunately, after a few days, the same nurse got hospitalized and is being assessed by the doctor.

Doctor: I need to administer an antibiotic intravenously to combat the infection. But, I will order for a skin test first to test if you are allergic to the drug.
Nurse: Can you just shift it to an oral antibiotic if possible doc? (whispers to the doctor).

#2: Knock-Knock Joke, Anyone?

Knock knock

Who’s there?

HIPAA

HIPAA who?

I can’t tell you that.

#3: A Good Breakfast

KY Jelly

A nurse caring for a man from Kentucky asked, “So how’s your breakfast this morning?”

“It’s very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to get used to the taste,” the patient replied.

The nurse asked to see the jelly and the man pointed at the bedside table. Oh yeah, it’s a foil packet labeled “KY Jelly.”

#4: St. Peter and the Three Nurses

Three nurses died and went to heaven, where they were met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter.

To the first, he asked, “What did you do on Earth and why should you go to heaven?” “I was a nurse in an inner-city hospital,” she replied. “I worked to bring healing and peace to the poor suffering city children.” “Very noble,” said St. Peter. “You may enter.” And in through the gates, she went.

To the next, he asked the same question: “So what did you do on Earth?” “I was a nurse at a missionary hospital in Africa,” she replied. “For many years, I worked with a skeleton crew of doctors and nurses who tried to reach out to as many peoples and tribes with a hand of healing and with a message of God’s love.” “How touching,” said St. Peter. “You too may enter.” And in she went.

He then came to the last nurse, to whom he asked, “So, what did you do back on Earth?” After some hesitation, she explained, “I was just a nurse at an HMO.” St. Peter pondered this for a moment, and then said, “Okay, you may enter also.”

“Whew!” said the nurse. “For a moment there, I thought you weren’t going to let me in.”

“Oh, you can come in,” said St. Peter, “but you can only stay for three days!”

Nurse Joke #5: Rectal Thermometer

A nurse walks into a bank totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. She grabs a deposit slip, pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse, and tries to write with it. When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and, without missing a beat, says, “Well, that’s great…some asshole’s got my pen!”

#6: Speaking of Rectal Thermometers…

Rectal Thermometers Joke
Don’t get them mixed up!

Q: What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
A: The taste.

#7: Ten Quarters

I had to take my son to the hospital after he swallowed ten quarters. He was rushed to surgery. After half an hour I saw a nurse so I asked her how he was. She said, “There’s no change yet.”

#8: Three Wishes

A nursing assistant, a floor nurse and a charge nurse from a small nursing home were taking a lunch break in the break room. In walks, a lady dressed in silk scarves and wearing large polished-stone jewelry. “I am Gina the Great,” stated the lady. “I am so pleased with the way you have taken care of my aunt that I will now grant the next three wishes!” With a wave of her hand and a puff of smoke, the room was filled with flowers, fruit, and bottles of drink, proving that she did have the power to grant wishes before any of the nurses could think otherwise.

The nurses quickly argued among themselves as to which one would ask for the first wish. Speaking up, the nursing assistant wished first. “I wish I were on a tropical island beach, with single, well-built men feeding me fruit and tending to my every need.” With a puff of smoke, the nursing assistant was gone.

The floor nurse went next. “I wish I were rich and retired, and spending my days in my own warm cabin at a ski resort with well-groomed men feeding me cocoa and doughnuts.” With a puff of smoke, she too was gone.

“Now, what is the last wish?” asked the lady.

The charge nurse said, “I want those two ambitious nurses back on the floor at the end of the lunch break!”

#9: “WTH!”

Q: Did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to hell?

A: It took her two weeks to realize that she wasn’t at work anymore!

Nurse Joke #10: Heart Attack

Q: When is the worst time to have a heart attack?
A: During a game of charades!

Funny Nurse Joke #11: A Miracle?

A miracle! Nurse Joke

Patient: “Will I be able to play the piano after this operation?”
Nurse: “Sure! Of course!”
Patient: “That’s awesome because I couldn’t before!”

#12: Heaven or Hell?

A skilled nurse died and arrived before St. Peter, who explained, “We have this little policy of allowing you to choose whether you want to spend eternity in heaven or in hell.” “How do I know which to choose?” She asked. “That’s easy,” said St. Peter. “You have to spend a day in each place before making a decision.”

With that, he put the nurse on an elevator and sent her down to hell. The elevator doors opened and the nurse found herself in a sunny garden, where many former friends and colleagues warmly greeted her. She had a great time all day laughing and talking about old times. That night, she had an excellent supper in a fantastic restaurant. She even met the devil, who turned out to be a pretty nice guy. Before she knew it, her day in hell was over and she returned to heaven.

The day in heaven was okay. She lounged around on clouds, sang, and played the harp. At the end of the day, St. Peter came and asked for her decision. “Well, heaven was great and all,” the nurse said, “but I had a better time in hell. I know it sounds strange, but I choose hell.” With that, she got in the elevator and went back down.

When the doors opened, she saw a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. Her friends, dressed in rags, were picking up garbage and putting it in sacks. When the devil walked over, she said to him, “I don’t understand. Yesterday, this place was beautiful. We had a delicious meal and a wonderful time laughing and talking.” The devil smiled and said, “Yesterday we were recruiting you. Today you’re staff.”

Nurse Joke #13: The Proud Husband

A man speaks frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”

“Is this her first child?” the nurse queries.

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“No, you idiot!” the man shouts. “This is her husband!”

#14: Cherish Every Moment

Situation: A nurse enters the room of a difficult patient who wants to find out if he’s still ill. At the moment, the nurse already has the results of the examination.

“I’m afraid I have some bad news. You’re dying and you don’t have much time,” the nurse says.

“Oh no, that’s terrible. How long have I got?” the man asks.

“10…” says the nurse.

“10? 10 what? Months? Weeks? What?!” he asks desperately.

“10…9…8…7…”

Nurse Joke #15: “Sorry”

A young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, burst into the ER complaining of abdominal pain. The ER attending quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed with amusement that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it, there was a tattoo that read, “Keep off the grass.” Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient’s dressing, which said, “Sorry, had to mow the lawn.”

#16: Differences Between a Novice Nurse and Experienced Nurses

A novice nurse wears so many pins on their name badge.
An experienced nurse does not wear a name badge for liability reasons.

A novice nurse wants everyone in the work setting to know they are a nurse.
An experienced nurse does not want anyone to know they are a nurse.

A novice nurse does their head to toe assessments starting at the actual head or toes.
An experienced nurse knows that all assessment criteria will be answered during a transfer to the commode!

A novice nurse spends hours giving a bed bath.
An experienced nurse lets the nursing assistant or student nurse do a bed bath.

A novice nurse will spend time bladder training an incontinent patient.
An experienced nurse will refer the patient to the physician for the insertion of a Foley catheter.

A novice nurse looks for blood on a bandage hoping they can change it.
An experienced nurse knows a little blood never hurt anyone, so they let it.

A novice nurse always answers the phone.
An experienced nurse checks the caller ID before answering the phone.

A novice nurse tries to make friends with everyone.
An experienced nurse knows to use that energy only to befriend the cafeteria cooks, pharmacists, and discharge planner!

A novice nurse loves to run to codes.
An experienced nurse makes graduate nurses run to codes.

A novice nurse has limited knowledge about these jokes.
An experienced nurse is guilty of these jokes.

#17: The Nurse and the Elderly

An elderly client, Mr. Williams, was living in a nursing home. Until one day, he appeared to be very sad and depressed. He was very lonely that caught the attention of Nurse Rose.

Nurse Rose asked him if there was anything wrong, “Yes, Nurse Rose,” said Mr. Williams. “My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.”

Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, “Oh, I’m so sorry, Mr. Williams. Please accept my condolences.”

The next day, Mr. Williams was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging out of his pajamas.

He met Nurse Rose. “Mr. Williams,” she said, “You shouldn’t be walking down the hall like that. Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas.”

“But, Nurse Rose I can’t,” replied Mr. Williams. “I told you yesterday that my Private Part died.”

“Yes,” said Nurse Rose, “you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?”

“Well,” he replied, “Today is the public viewing.”

Funny Nurse Joke #18: The Nursing Student

Q: How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They just have a nursing student do it.

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#19: Another lightbulb?

Lightbulb joke
How long does it take a nurse to change a lightbulb?

Q: How long does it take a nurse to change a light bulb?
A: About 15 seconds tops to change it and 20 minutes to document it – how, when, where, why, and what serial number it had.

Nurse Joke #20: This is why communication is important. 

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

“Nurse,” he mumbles from behind the mask, “are my testicles black?”

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”

He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?”

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine.”

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, “Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:

Are – my – test – results – back?”

Heard a good nurse joke lately? Share them in the comments section below! 

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