Someti–err–most of the time, work can be stressful and paperworks are piling up like there’s no tomorrow. Trying to catch up and finishing charting before the end of the shift, you rush and forget everything you’ve learned from your English classes. You go through questions like: Was it Dilaudid or Dilaulid? Or Is a comma needed in this part of the sentence or not? But whatever, you see call lights blinking and you haste into action creating some of these hilarious blunders:

Hilarious assessment cues

1. “Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.”

2. “Patient’s chin cannot touch the table”

3. “Remnants of a soldier can be seen in the vagina.”

4. “It should be noted that there is no noticeable difference in temperature between the legs”


5. “Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.”

6. “Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.”

7. “She is numb from her toes down.”

8. “Pt. has two teenage sons, but no other abnormalities”

9. “The patient’s faeces has the same color as the doors on the 19th floor.”

Weird yet funny patient history


10. “Patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.”

11. “Many years ago the patient had frostbite of the right shoe.”

12. “After quitting cigarette smoking, the patient started smelling again.”

13. “The patient gets hives from contrasts, strawberries and shrimps and also two of her children.”

14. “The patient had been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.”

15. “Patient had no past history of suicides.”


16. “Patient experience sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary edema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.”

17. “The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.”

Out of this world interventions

18. “The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.”

19. “Patient received 5 mg of morphine for his pain in the ER

20. “While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.”


21. “Pt. experiences frequent nausea and vomiting, and should therefore be wearing a small diaper at night.”

Weird things patients say and have

22. “Patient refused an autopsy.”

23. “Discharge status: Alive but without permission.”

24. “Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.”

25. “Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.”


26. “Pt. is mildly agitated, but good in bed.”

27. “Patient told me she lost her heart the last time she was admitted.”

28. “She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate direction in early December.”

29. “The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.”

30. “Patient eats death threats for breakfast.”

31. “The patient has done well without oxygen for the past year.”

“Uhhhh?” doctor’s orders

32. “Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.”

33. “Since she can’t get pregnant with her husband, I thought you would like to work her up.”

34. “Enteral tube feeding should be administered at 160 km per hour.”

35. “Regarding to the patient’s impotence, we will continue his medication and let his wife see to the treatment.”

36. “All visible brain tissue had been removed. The patient has no neurological complaints after surgery.”

37. “Pt. is increasingly aggressive, but can be put down with a cup of coffee.”

Enjoyed the post? See 26 more of the Funniest Charting Errors Found on Actual Patients’ Medical Chart


Know a funny line or two? Share your blunders on the comment section below! 

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Matt Vera is a registered nurse with a bachelor of science in nursing since 2009 and is currently working as a full-time writer and editor for Nurseslabs. During his time as a student, he knows how frustrating it is to cram on difficult nursing topics and finding help online is near to impossible. His situation drove his passion for helping student nurses through the creation of content and lectures that is easy to digest. Knowing how valuable nurses are in delivering quality healthcare but limited in number, he wants to educate and inspire students in nursing. As a nurse educator since 2010, his goal in Nurseslabs is to simplify the learning process, breakdown complicated topics, help motivate learners, and look for unique ways of assisting students in mastering core nursing concepts effectively.



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